Together and Blessed.- Forgiveness

Theme - Together and Blessed

Sunday, 17^th August 2014.

Message Notes-  Together and Blessed: How to Forgive.

Taken and adapted from the internet

How to Forgive

1. Realize that the hate you feel toward your enemy does not harm them in the slightest.  Wholistic/ wholeness/ holiness.
2. See the bigger picture with an “eagle eye”.  Are there good things?
3. Look for the helpers & "good Samaritans"?
4. Be compassionate with yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself.
5. Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie."
6. Forgiveness needs to be unconditional, it doesn’t come with strings.
7. Stop telling "the story".
8. Start telling "the story" from the other person's perspective.
9. Retrain your thinking. Pray for them, send them a blessing.
10. Maintain perspective,
11. Warning - Forgiveness is not acceptance of wrong behavior.

Tips for Forgiveness

·  "Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most."

·  Hate is like an acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored." Ann Landers

·  "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy;" Hebrews 12:14a (NIV)

·  Max Ehrmann - "As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons."

·  Forgiveness is a choice. Don’t say, "I can't forgive them," what you're really saying is, "I'm choosing not to forgive them."

·  "Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it."

·  "If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

·  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - The Golden Rule

Genesis 45:1-15

45:1 Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, "Send everyone away from me." So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.

45:2 And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it.

45:3 Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?" But his brothers could not answer him, so dismayed were they at his presence.

45:4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come closer to me." And they came closer. He said, "I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.

45:5 And now do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life.

45:6 For the famine has been in the land these two years; and there are five more years in which there will be neither ploughing nor harvest.

45:7 God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors.

45:8 So it was not you who sent me here, but God; he has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt.

45:9 Hurry and go up to my father and say to him, 'Thus says your son Joseph, God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not delay.

45:10 You shall settle in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children's children, as well as your flocks, your herds, and all that you have.

45:11 I will provide for you there--since there are five more years of famine to come--so that you and your household, and all that you have, will not come to poverty.

45:12 And now your eyes and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see that it is my own mouth that speaks to you.

45:13 You must tell my father how greatly I am honored in Egypt, and all that you have seen. Hurry and bring my father down here."

45:14 Then he fell upon his brother Benjamin's neck and wept, while Benjamin wept upon his neck.

45:15 And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them; and after that his brothers talked with him.

Matthew 15: 21-28

15:21 Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon.

15:22 Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon."

15:23 But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, "Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us."

15:24 He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."

15:25 But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me."

15:26 He answered, "It is not fair to take the children's food and throw it to the dogs."

15:27 She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."

15:28 Then Jesus answered her, "Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed instantly.

Message – Together and blessed-  How to Forgive.

The two Bible today are both stories of inclusion,

they are about embracing the other.

Stories of people gathering other people into community

despite enormous odds.

In one, the Canaanite woman seems to change Jesus mind about whether or not people beyond Israel should be included in new order, the new Reign of God that Jesus is creating. 

Helping to say that the people who are different/ the “other” is okay.

In the other Genesis story there is Joseph

Joseph who reconciles with his brother and wider family without revenge.

You may hve the story in previous weeks

-about how these are the guys who threw him down the well

and sold him into slavery in the first place.

Yet, here we see that compassion and forgiveness overcome evil;

And such reconciliation is possible because God is involved.

Reminding us that God cares about the people beyond Israel, too.

Reminding us that God’s saving love and grace are for everyone.

Maybe there have been times when you have felt excluded?

Or actually you have realise that you have excluded others? It can be easy to do.  I know I have unintentional done it.

Maybe there been times when you have been wronged?

Or you have wronged others.

Again, it can be easy to do. 

Interestingly, the Good News is that God is with us

even when we have unforgiving attitudes

and blessedly even more so when we wish to live in Godly forgiveness.

So how do we forgive?? .

How to Forgive?  

One of the hardest, thorniest and most difficult things we humans

are ever called upon to do is to respond to evil with kindness,

and to forgive the unforgivable.

We love to read stories about people who've responded to hatred with love,

but when that very thing is demanded of us personally,

 our default position seems to be anger, angst, depression, righteousness, hatred, etc. Cause we are human ….

Yet study after study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health

is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts.Want to live a long, happy life? Forgive the unforgivable.  It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering particular if have purposefully inflicted it on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil. So here are some steps that have been suggested to me- .

1.            Realize that the hate you feel toward your enemy does not harm them in the slightest. Chances are, they've gone on with their life and haven't given you another thought.

  

This is a simple but huge part of this.  That as Ann Landers often said,"hate is like an acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored."

Unforgiveness is like acid to the soul.

This is proactively working towards healing and wholeness is so important to Christians seeking the way of Christ. 

I was once told the wholeness has the same language root as holiness, remember that holistic, as in holistic medicine for the whole body,  is often spelt wholistic. 

2.            See the bigger picture with an “eagle eye”.  See the bigger picture, all its edges, not just a small piece or just your point of view, or just the negatives.

Try to make a list of the good things that happened as a result of this awful experience. Joseph was able to see that because of his exile to Egypt he was now in a position to help his people.

If you have focused long enough on the bad parts of this experience. Try, looking at the problem from a wholly new angle; look at the good side.

The first item on that list may be a long time coming because as humans we tend to focused on the bad for so long, but don't give up. Take courage and maybe you will find 10 good things that happened specifically because of this experience, you have to struggle with this. Forgiveness is not easy work.

3.            Look for the helpers. Ask yourself who has help you through this? Fred Rogers related that, as a little boy, he'd often become upset about major catastrophes in the news. His mother would tell him, "look for the helpers."    

In your own nightmarish experience, think back to the people who helped you. Think about the people who have acted with kindness and unselfishness.

Perhaps someone was your "good Samaritan"?

In this biblical story, a traveler happens upon a poor soul who was beat up on the road to Jericho and left for dead.  

Perhaps your trial provided an opportunity for others to rise to an occasion to provide you with help and support.

4.            Be compassionate with yourself. If you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, steering this boat into a new direction could take some time, too. As you try to make a new path out of the dark woods of this old hurt, you'll make mistakes.  Forgive yourself.

Be patient and kind to yourself. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body.  Give yourself time to heal - physically and emotionally.

Eat well. Rest.     Focus on the natural beauty in the world.

5.            Learn that the Aramaic word for "forgive" means literally to "untie."

The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all their negativity is to forgive.  Lose yourself from them and the ugliness of the situation.

Hatred has tied you to them. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from them and any consequential pain.

6.            Forgiveness must be unconditional.

Therefore, it cannot be dependent upon the repentance of those who have harmed us. However, forgiveness of this type must be applied with wisdom and discernment.

Unless those who have harmed us have truly repented of whatever they have done, we need to use wisdom in avoiding repeating the hurt. This may require avoiding those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us.

After all, True forgiveness is unconditional and not predicated on any act or request from the offender, it doesn’t come with strings. It isn’t I will forgive you if you do this and this for me.  That’s negotiating an agreement and that a good thing but a different one.

7.            Stop telling "the story" from your perspective.

How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt?  Our story’s can become like an obsessive habit.  When I was a little kid I would get into trouble for picking at the scabs on my knees. 

If you keep retelling the story, it is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt.

Rather, forgive your enemy because it's the kindest thing you can do for your friends and family. Negativity is depressing, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotional.  Our sad stories can be like that.  The invitation is that in Christ, we  tell a different story of our redemption and healing through forgiveness.

8.            Tell "the story" from the other person's perspective. Actually imagine that you are the other person (the one who offended you). You don't know exactly what the other person was thinking but work it through from their perspective.   

Just your willingness to tell the story from the offender’s perspective requires a bit of forgiveness. This perspective has the power to change how you think and feel about your own story.

9.            Retrain your thinking. When your enemy and their evil actions come to mind, send them a blessing. Pray for them, that God may grant them insight and wisdom and genuinely mean it. Wish them well. Hope the best for them.

This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate, with in you that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect.

The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you become able to return blessing for hatred, you'll know that you're well on the path to wholeness.  Realistically, the first 15 or 150 times you try this, the "blessing" may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew before the morning sun.

10.        Maintain perspective: While the "evil" actions of your "enemy" are hurtful to you and your immediate surroundings, the rest of the world goes on unaware. Validate their meaning in your life, but never lose perspective that others are not involved.  Your pain does not mean that you can spread it around or take it out on third parties who just happen to be passing by.

  

The type of forgiveness discussed here is intended to free you from the impotent rage, depression, and despair that nursing a grievance causes.

11.        Forgiveness is not acceptance of wrong behaviour. If you must continue to interact with someone who has wronged you, who has offered a lame apology only to follow it up with more bad behavior, nothing requires you to trust such a person.

While it's fruitless to torment yourself over this person's actions, you should not be his or her willing victim. Acknowledge; move on.

An offender who wants reconciliation must do their part: offer and negotiate a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time.

Even if you don't see repentance on their part, it is important to understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not just the offender. 

(Adapted From WikiHow – “How to Forgive.”)

Human relationships are often difficult, and events might seem to conspire against a healthy and fulfilling life together. Yet God empowers us to restore fractured relationships.

The challenge remains, how do we, as individual and as church,

          Embrace opportunities for reconciliation and forgiveness?

With each other, with the wider community and with the very earth that we live on?

Let us be confident that God’s presence in reconciliation brings a new, sacred unity to community for us all. Through God’s gifts of forgiveness, love and hope, we can in turn offer forgiveness love and hope to others and in doing so metaphorically walk the path of Christ to healing and wholeness and holiness.